Rigormortisveritate's Journals

first of the new year

so where did this freezing cold come from? seriously. the weatherman today said that with wind chill, it was 0degrees here. in georgia! wth, where'd it roll in from? at 9AM it was so cold. i had to drive up to the DMV today to renew my permit, and my hands were practically numb on the steering wheel. it was so weird!

i rolled in the new year eating sushi and watching mtv with my mom. pretty much ruled, although i would've preffered going out and getting drunk with my friends, but whatever. life goes on. new year, new outlook, new attitude. i can't believe it's already te second day of the new year. so crazy. second semester starts in five freaking days.

i'm watching the ANTM marathon on VH1 until it rolls all the way through. tyra is bitching out that chick tiffany, and wow. i'm kinda laughing. i am a hungry hungry hippo right now. all i've eaten is a chick-fil-a chicken biscuit, and i have to say it wasn't the best. normally they're sooo much better nom nom nom.

the wind that's blowing outside right now is so crazy. it sounds like it's going to blow the plastic right off my skylights. crazy crazy crazy. went and saw juno with lucy yesterday to spend the first day of the new year right. pretty awesome awesome.

i hope everyone had a good new year, and i can't wait to see what other antics it's going to bring for me :]

project runway xmas marathon? wooot!

you'll never read this, but thank you to the two people that completely surprised me today. even though i don't celebrate christmas, the fact that you two texted me put a smile on my face.

being jewish has one plus on christmas: i'm not required to spend any part of the day with my family, but it's nice to go get chinese food for dinner with my mom anyway.

a year ago today, everything was different. this is the first christmas day i'm not in florida celebrating hanukkah with 75% of my family. so weird!

i woke up in a really bad mood, not planning on wishing anyone a merry xmas but the people i already had before i went to sleep, however the simplest things can change an outlook...

merry christmas everyone. i hope you all got what you wanted and that your celebrations were absolutely amazing. if i don't talk to anyone before new years, then i hope you all have a safe and happy new years! get wild, go crazy! but don't drink and drive :]
<3

well shiiiiiiiiit

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i just deleted so much off of my to-do-list on my desktop, and goddamn, already it's got more on it than it did before i deleted it. can i please please please be finished with this week. can i please please please get a job for once school starts back up in january. can i please please please find something productive to do over winter break, like...something that allows me to make money? or how about i get to tour for a few days with a band and merch/take pictures? damn i would love that. babysitting again tonight, right now. and i'm lurking the internet instead of studying for astronomy. i'm so fuckedddddd. astronomy exam-tuesday. us history papers-thursday. math exam-friday. if i survive the week starting tomorrow, it will be a miracle.
mini-real photoshoot with chelle yesterday, the pictures came out pretty good, if i do say so myself. i'll post those once i re-size them, and i have to turn some of them black and white to match our theme. awesome. really really awesome. i have so much more to update on, but well damn...i really do need to study, so i need to hit the post entry button, minimize the window, and mute the tv so i can pick up my astronomy book and maybe just maybe absorb the information instead of just reading it and not remembering a thing. that would be righteous. seriously. i look so cute today, outfit wise..and all i did was ride marta, with a bunch of older people and these three creepy mexicans that watched me the entire train ride til their stop. the older people i stood in front of for the first couple stops sat staring at me the entire time i stood there, i was so happy to be able to plop down in a seat. made out awesomely for hanukkah from mom. got guitar hero 3!!!!!! ugh it's amazing. i can't wait to master the entire thing when i come home for winter break ;] and i got the shirt of my dreams, i love TWLOHA. pictures soon. i plan to start taking pictures of everythinggggggg again, or i'm going to at least try my freaking damndest. phone battery half dead, and i won't get back to my charger til tomorrow night, ooooops. planning with lucy for awesome get togethers, hopefully they'll all work out. that would make my life.
now to actually go study, and accomplish something. and maybe even sleep at a reasonable time.

good news and stress

i so suck at updating this aha!
i've been so stressed out since last sunday. freaking 9 nights now i'm staying up til at least 2AM. saturday night i was up til 4:30AM for no reason at all, other than I just couldn't sleep. Finals are coming up, and with those, comes all this stress because I feel the extreme need to do well on them. my life is so not all that exciting. i go to classes, or i skip them, i don't sleep, i lurk around online all the time, and occasionally i go to some shows. uhhh i get ignored a lot via myspace message or texts, i keep to my room a lot lately. monday was chili night! hung out with lucy and her friends from work, and went to a baby shower. some people are awesome.

drinking drinking drinking lots of mountain dew lately. 2/3 a day. i can't help it, it's all that's getting me through each of my days. maybe that's another reason why i stay awake so late even though i get up by freaking 7 or 8AM five days a week.

exams finish next friday. then i'm free til the beginning of january. so awesome. i'm going to be working over winter break, which will be utterly amazing. it's gonna be office work, but whatever. i don't mind, i'm getting a good amount of money for it. i would love to tour with kenotia instead, but i doubt that's going to happen because i've been kind of ignored. whateverrrrrrrr.

i'm going to go lurk around now before i sleep. automatic loveletter on the 18!!! wooo!

i haven't updated this in forever :[

life has been a mix of up and down, good and bad. classes have been going alright. i'm about to get a complete overload though..two papers due within two days of each other. thankfully one of them i just have to edit by the 27...and i have a history paper due the 25. i have such a great load of homework to have done all by tuesday, it's fucking fantabulous, only not really.

i have watched freaky friday more times than i can even recount right now. i've watched it so many times, that parts of it are freezing/skipping. it's kinda ridiculous. it sucks when we don't get cable in the apartment..i get the CW, so during the week i'm good come 3pm, but until then...i have nothing but movies to watch..and i fall asleep tofreaky friday every single night. friendships seem to be weird. chelle and nick are officially together...i don't like hanging out when they're together, because it makes me feel awkward...i want me a boy. a boy to hold hands with, to cuddle with, to hug and give sporadic kisses to. i don't understand why that aspect of my life has yet to fall into place. i honestly don't even know why i constantly think about it, but whatever that's just my life. i've been feeling kinda awkward around david as of late. it's just constant insults spewing from his mouth lately..and i don't understand why. he says they're all jokes, that i need a sense of humour. well i have one, but when you're insulting my intelligence or just being plain mean, i don't see them as jokes.

i skipped class for the first time in college yesterday. i didn't feel like dealing with math, and krutali wasn't going...so i just slept in. then i spent my day reading and playing on the internet..i was listening to the used all day. last night was the used concert. thanks to david not paying attention to my mapquest directions, we got lucy lost..and we should have got there at 4, we didn't get there til 4:30. spent two hours and some minutes outside the venue waiting to be let in. i was sooo stoked to go see the used, nothing could have brought me down..or so i thought. david somehow managed to do it greatly. we get in, and we're second person from the barricade. david went upstairs...i don't know what was wrong with me..but i started to feel woozy [probably the result of only having had one mountain dew and a bowl of apple jacks all day] so unfortunately, we lost our INCREDIBLE spots :[lucy bought me a cup of ice water, which i downed quickly. we went upstairs and watched the opening bands...i can't remember the first band, but they were sooo good. i loved them hardcore. then it was Army of Me, and then it was The Bled..towards the end of the bled, we went down and stood at the side of the crowd...i wanted to dive in there, but i didn't want lucy to be uncomfortable, so we just slid through when there were openings, got to an okay spot. the used was fucking incredible!!! i couldn't get more than one good shot of quinn, because people's arms kept getting in my way :[ their set was so amazing though, i screamed my little heart out. almost got into a verbal fight with these two guys 'cause they were leaning over me talking to each other...i was like..what's your problem..kid got mad at me..said to his friend "oh we can't talk til the end of the song, new show rule or something" i'm like..."no, i don't care if you talk, but how about you don't lean over me to do it, so i can enjoy the show. asshole." if he had said anything else to me, i would've let loose on him. hate that kid and i don't even know him :/ then we went to waffle house, and i ate like fucking fatty. 3/4 of my waffle, all my toast, and hashbrowns. it was all so so soooo good. yummyyy. then we got back at one, and i passed out by 2.

woke up this morning at 11, and now i'm talking with lisa and lucy...and i have a to-do list of homework i need to get done by like...monday night except for my math quiz...eeeep.
-write rough draft of english paper [3-5 pages]
-math take home quiz
-read assigned ben franklin autobiography
-online astronomy homework.

now i'm going to go finish reading Glass, and hopefully start on some of my homework..just need the motiviation to do it. i'm so sleepy, i almost just wanna put all my homework off til tomorrow and monday, and just lay in bed watching movies and sleeping...but i know i need to be productive today, since i did jack shit yesterday...i also need to go out and hunt down a job at some point between this week and next. need motivation to do that too. 'cause i need money. i'm trying so hard not to spend, and that's all going to shit this week. soooo many things going on. so many "local" shows. not that i mind, 'cause i love it. but stillll..haha
peace out cub scout

fake

i wonder what it's like to be a hypocritical fake person.
you keep that smile when he's touching you, but as soon as he stops messing with you in the slightest bit, you start frowning again. you're ridiculous.
he's not ever going to be into you the way you want him to. i wish you would CUT.IT.OUT. get over it. stop trying to make something happen. you say you're so real, that you could easily pass for someone over the age of 17, yet you act like a 13 year old girl with this situation. it's the epitome of annoying, and i wish you would quit it.

i hate feeling like some of the people i'm supposed to care so much about are completely fake. it doesn't make me feel good. it aggravates me. i can't help it, however. i've noticed changes in everyone, including myself. noone's are for the better, not even mine. yes, i tell small lies occasionally, but it's nothing to these fake personalities and lies that they have become. the distancing starts now. vague bits here and there. the real story will come after my grad party. i don't want to make anyone feel like dirt before i celebrate my end of high school with them. after that, it will be much easier to just "lose contact". i don't understand how they don't see this coming.

i get to see my bean tomorrow. i have missed her so much. it's been far too long. one of the only real people left in my life. i need her around. so much more. top 5 on my list of the real people left in my life. the only legit person i can tell anything to. the only one that knows almost all of my secrets, and i'm pretty sure i'm one of the few to know almost all of her's. get to finally meet the dinosaur tomorrow too. i'm so stoked on that. adventures are going to be amazing. i can't wait.

i get out of high school exactly one week from today. i can't wait to turn my back on it. i can't wait to turn my back on some of the people. i can't wait to disappear from the immaturity that has surrounded me. it took me a year and a half, but i finally noticed it all sitting right in front of my eyes. that realization hit home, and made me realize the physical distance won't be enough. it's all about the mental. headphones in, book out. i don't want to be part of this life anymore. i want a college life. i want a chance to start over. i want new people. i cannot wait for this summer. it's my summer of freedom. working loads, yes, but spending time with favorite people too, or so i hope.

07/07/07 is looking to be amazing. my big sis is getting married, and i get to be there. that means more to me than anything. more to me than she knows, or could possibly imagine. goodness bean, so excited for you.
there's so many exciting new things coming up soon. i only hope i'm ready for them. wait, scratch that. i know i'm ready for them. i only hope they're all ready for me. seatbelt buckled, emergency break in place. let's rocket.